Breakfast Gnocchi and Eros
Let's get breakfast
In praise of potato
The potato is a perfect food. I’m far from the first to say it and I certainly won’t be the last. The potato is a true-vers king, a force of chaotic good, a glow-up narrative incarnate. Today’s recipe is inspired by the visceral erotic power of the potato.
I can think of no greater reward for a night of carnality, whether partnered or solo, than a plate of breakfast gnocchi. Not only is it utterly delicious, encompassing the inherent sensuality of the molten egg yolk, electrolyte-restoring dark leafy greens, and restorative carbohydrates, but it is itself a story about eroticism.
Hear me out
In a way, we all begin life as potatoes. We are lumpy and coarse, but brimming with potential. As we go through life, we are subjected to different influences that make us, in turns, tender (unconditional love), spicy (trauma), mashed (staring into the gaping maw of the void), crisp (climate collapse), and so on. In the same way that a humble potato can be used for many dishes, we accumulate different iterations of ourselves as we age. We live in them, cast them off and mourn them, and, if we’re lucky, rinse and repeat.
As I enter my 30s, I find that my experience and understanding of eroticism is expanding. Whereas erotics in my 20s were consumed by physicality, I’m now more interested in narrative. But before we get into where I am now, let’s poke around in the past.
The pull quote is “yummy twink”
When I say that my erotic life was consumed by physicality, I mean it primarily in a negative sense. Was I a yummy twink? I leave it for others to decide. But I certainly didn’t feel attractive. Most of my erotic life was spent dwelling on insecurities about my body, performance anxieties (I too am a vers king/queen/prince/jester), wondering if I could get away with not douching (by and large, yes), and whittling myself away with a restricted diet and running several miles a day. And for what? The attention of men?! Gross.
Though I was having sex, I spent very little time enjoying it. In a positively Jungian extension of the perfectionism I exhibited in other parts of my life, sex was a competition, a venue for people-pleasing, a battle of attrition. If I were a potato dish, I would be the dehydrated flakes you reconstitute to make mashed potatoes (tasty and serving a purpose, but not quite whole).
I don’t think I’m alone in my somewhat grim post-mortem of sex in my 20s. I suspect women, femmes, and certain more-oppressed flavors of gay will relate. There’s a lot to tease apart here, but the thing that I’m clinging to now is that I’ve arrived somewhere unimaginably good. Maybe it’s the contrast between then and now that makes it feel so sweet, but frankly I’m not too concerned with the “why.”
I am potato
Returning now to my interest in narrative, a defining feature of my sex life now is an interest in the ways sex reveals more about the person I’m with. It’s a uniquely compelling lens through which to understand someone. For whatever reason, I really get off on this mutual vulnerability — the more I let my own walls down and focus on presence, the better the sex becomes. Reading this back, it all feels very, “duh.” But nonetheless, it’s also a revelation that I would’ve rejected a few years ago.
The emergence of my own demisexual tendencies (and maybe my Mars in Cancer) influences this as well. I tend to be incapable of forming an erotic connection with someone, or even of finding them sexually attractive, until I know and trust them (it’s probably my Mars in Cancer). It’s horribly inefficient, but fabulous in every other way. In this context, intimacy becomes less scary. It also expands the erotic field greatly. Sex becomes something that admits of humor, passion, laughter, comfort, and consensual experimentation, and no single theme or approach invalidates the other. All exist in a comfortable simultaneity. It’s very hot.
So to sum it up, I’d say I’ve reached the stage in my psychosexual potato development that most resembles my recipe for Breakfast Gnocchi. It takes a little bit of prep work, but the rewards are transcendent, it broadens your horizons of what breakfast can be, and makes you appreciate the places a potato can belong.
The recipe
Breakfast Gnocchi
The recipe for the gnocchi themselves comes from cooking TikTok star @sad_papi. While tragically he is straight, he is nonetheless a fabulous chef. This recipe is easy to make in advance —perfect to make the night before, for the morning after. Pause at any step of the process before cooking, which is itself incredibly quick. Potatoes and sauce cook simultaneously in the oven, making this a “set it and forget it” kind of vibe punctuated by flurries of activity that are fun and cool, baby. The sauce is tomato-based and, in a pinch, can be replaced with something jarred. I’ll never tell.
Ingredients
2 lbs Russet potatoes (the potato species is key here; no substitutions, please)
2 cups all-purpose flour
1 egg yolk
1 teaspoon salt
One whole egg per person
1 bunch (about a pound) of broccoli rabe (kale or spinach would also be welcome here)
For the sauce
1 14oz (or thereabouts) can of unsalted crushed tomatoes
2 cloves of garlic
1/4 of a large yellow onion
3 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil
1 teaspoon granulated sugar
Salt and pepper to taste
Directions
Preheat your oven to 350ºF. Pierce your potatoes with a fork throughout to allow steam to escape, then place in the oven to cook until very tender. How long they spend in the oven depends on the size of your potatoes, but this will take at least an hour.
Sauce
While your potatoes cook, prepare the sauce and prep the broccoli rabe by chopping roughly. Combine all of the ingredients in a large bowl and mix thoroughly. I used about a scant teaspoon of Diamond Crystal kosher salt and several aggressive cranks of black pepper. Pour the mixture into an oven-proof dish or pan with a high lip worthy of Keira Knightly. I used a 9x13” baking pan. Place into the oven alongside your potatoes and allow to cook and congeal, and the edges of the mixture char slightly. Begin checking your pan after 20 minutes and monitor closely thereafter. Remove from the oven and allow to cool slightly before blitzing in a blender, as is, until a smooth consistency is attained. Set aside if you won’t be eating immediately. Otherwise, place in a small saucepan and simmer over low heat, adding the chopped greens to gently cook until bright green and wilted.
Gnocchi
By now, your potatoes should be approaching doneness, but you may have to twiddle your thumbs for a while. When they’re ready to come out, they should look slightly withered (me at the club). The phrase “hot potato” exists for a reason, so be careful as you split them in half to allow any residual moisture to escape. Let these cool until easy to handle, and then strip the flesh from the skins (they said, unnecessarily). Pass the potato flesh (lol) through a ricer or, if you’re like me and hate superfluous cooking equipment, use a fork to mash until uniformly dominated.
Add the flour, egg yolk, and salt to the potato mash and mix until a smooth but dry dough emerges from its glutinous chrysalis. Transfer the dough to a floured work surface and roll out into a rectangle about 3/4” thick (but who’s counting). Cut the rectangle into strips, and then liberate your gnocchi from the strips in little 1” portions using a knife or bench scraper.
To form the gnocchi takes a little bit of dexterity. Invert a fork so that the tines face downward on your work surface, and then press the inchoate gnocchi against the fork to make little ridges. If this utterly fails you’ll still end up with delicious cubical gnocchi, so whatever.
Now that your sauce is ready and gnocchi formed, it’s time to assemble. Set two small-to-medium pots filled halfway with water to boil. One will be for soft-boiling your egg(s) (which you can also do in advance if you find yourself running out of pots) and the other for cooking the gnocchi.
Eggs
Once the egg water boils, gently lower in as many eggs as you damn well please (just make sure they’re completely submerged) and cook for exactly 6 minutes for a yolk like melted butter, 7 minutes for a set but still-runny yolk (my preference), and sometime betwixt for a texture in between. After the time elapses, place the eggs in a bath of chilled water.
Bring it on home
For the gnocchi, place the lil pillows into the water and boil until they float. Pull from the water with a slotted spoon, chopsticks (what I used), what have you, and place into your pot of simmering sauce and broccoli rabe.
Sensually plate your saucéd gnocchi and veg, and top with a soft-boiled egg. I recommend using hands to split the the egg longitudinally so that the yolk spills suggestively over the gnocchi.
For my Virgos:
If the concept of doing this in real time freaks you out and/or you wake up ravenous in the morning (me), here’s a breakdown of how you can schedule this in advance.
One or two days before: Bake your potatoes, make your sauce (don’t add broccoli rabe yet)
One day before: Soft boil your eggs, finish you gnocchi dough and store, uncut, in the refrigerator wrapped tightly in plastic wrap
The morning after (you can eat this anytime of day despite the name, I’m not a narc): simmer the sauce and add broccoli rabe, boil the gnocchi, and plate with the soft-boiled egg (you could even warm the egg in the gnocchi water for a minute or so)
PS: After a brief, unplanned, and unannounced one-week hiatus, I am back! Apologies for missing the deadline last week and much gratitude for your patience with my chaotic schedule xx
This is better than sex therapy.
This is better than sex therapy.